I ran this morning and it was invigorating and satisfying, indulgent even. I found myself reminded of some great ideas that I have had, things that I should be doing. I don’t know if any of you do this, but I got this burst of energy that for some reason invokes introspect about all the good things that I could be doing to accompany this ONE good thing.

As I was cooling down sitting on the scratchy beige carpet on our apartment floor, I stared out onto our patio. I was trying to conjure up how I could plant a few veggies -squash, peppers, tomatoes, maybe some green onions. I’ve not done this since I was a kid and was forced into it, but secretly loved it. I’ve talked it over in my brain numerous times. I have simple dreams and desires that don’t really compare much with what I hear others say they want. There’s this issue, though. It would require continued and absolute commitment from me. I would have to tend it, weed it, fertilize it, harvest it, and cook it. So, I haven’t done it. Yes, I’m going somewhere with this: continued and absolute commitment.

I have never really completely finished or truly committed myself to anything. Some people who really know me understand and would agree, others not so much. There have always been such expectations of me- mostly from me. If I lived up to my potential I could be an asset to this civilization. All I focused on was my limitations and weaknesses. In Judges 6:14-16, God tells Gideon that he can overcome and rescue Israel if he will allow God to work through him.

Today, God is working through me, on a much smaller scale than Gideon! My attitude has changed. My outlook has changed. I am learning obedience, humility, responsibility, patience, and discernment. Matthew 7:5-10 reminds me not to tear others down in order to make me look better, don’t debate the Word with unbelievers, be persistent and don’t give up. He believes in me, so why shouldn’t I? He has always been there while I was running zigzags searching for answers in ungodly places.

I have to be reminded that I won’t understand everything. I am not omniscient. All the good that has come to me is because of God. I have found myself in a desperate place many times throughout my life asking “Why won’t you let me die?!” He’s been patient and waited on my commitment and undivided attention. He’s answering my questions. I can hear Him now. Sometimes He says, “Just wait, child. Just wait.”

James 1:5 tells me “If you need wisdom, ask our GENEROUS God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”

James 1:12 says “God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.”

Have a great weekend, friends!

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