I know that many folks’ curiosity is peaked.  I am sure that “common courtesy” and “manners” as well keeps you from asking the question that everyone wants to know.  No, he is not here and has not been since October. No we are not together.  And no, we are not getting a divorce.  [At least not that I have heard…]

I have resigned myself to the fact that if I have to spend the rest of my days on earth apart from my husband in order to spend eternity with him in heaven, then I can do that.  If he must continue his journey of seeking his own way to find His Way, then carry on soldier. Our paths are not linked right now.  He is taking the long way home…

It’s difficult for some to understand my reaction to the circumstances in my life.  My faith and my God is bigger and stronger than any storm that blows through my home.  I know the enemy and I know his tactics.  He is attacking the ministry…not me or my husband.  He wants the seed…the testimony…the weapon that slays him. For him, it is not personal.  BUT for God, it is personal.  See, though 99 of His sheep tread on the narrow road, He will pursue the one who goes toward the thicket.  He never takes His eyes off of him. He knows and sees.  I know without a doubt that His Promises are true and He is faithful.  Here is a bit of what I know He says:

 If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13

God will clear a path and point the way…but we must walk it out and go through that door that He opens.  

  …When he opens doors, no one will be able to close them; when he closes doors, no one will be able to open them. ~ Isaiah 22:22

He has gifted each of us and He is faithful to complete the work that He begins. 

 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.  ~ Philippians 1:6

 For God’s gifts and his call can never be withdrawn. ~ Romans 11:29

I am also aware that without repentance, we cannot have the Presence of God. 

 For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death. ~ 2 Cor 7:10

“Your deeds won’t let you return to your God.  You are a prostitute through and through, and you do not know the Lord. The arrogance of Israel testifies against her; Israel and Ephraim will stumble under their load of guilt. Judah, too, will fall with them.” ~ Hosea 5:4-5

Persistent sin causes the heart to be hard making it difficult to repent.  Like a build up of scar tissue that has no nerve, the piercing must go deeper, traveling to get to the heart like a laparascope from a surgeon.  So, the consequences build up to a place where they crush us.   He promises to get our attention…He pursues us.  For some it will be conviction (thank God!) but for others, it will take consequences.

“For it is impossible to bring back to repentance those who were once enlightened- those who have experienced the good things of heaven and shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the power of the age to come – and who then turn away from God.  It is impossible to bring such people back to repentance; by rejecting the Son of God, they themselves are nailing him to the cross once again and holding him up to public shame.” ~ Hebrews 6:4-6

Now, this verse is Truth.  I cannot ignore this and I know what I have seen, what I see now, and what the Word tells me is to come. The Word tells me to do this:

 Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have confessed so well before many witnesses. ~ 1 Timothy 6:12

  For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.  Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable.      ~ Hebrews 4:12-13

 We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments.  We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. ~ 2 Cor 10:3-5

But we understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ. ~ 1 Cor 2:16


You may know that I was in the US Army. In the Army, everything begins with the warrior ethos. The warrior ethos compels soldiers to fight through all conditions to victory no matter how much effort is required. It is the soldiers’ selfless commitment to the nation, mission, unit, and fellow soldiers. It is the professional attitude that inspires every American soldier. Warrior ethos is grounded in a refusal to accept failure. It is developed and sustained through discipline. Army Values form the very identity of the Army. They are nonnegotiable and apply to everyone at all times, in all situations. The trust that Soldiers have for one another and the trust the American people put in us demands that we live up to these values. These values are interdependent; that is, they support one another. You cannot follow one value and ignore another. The seven values that guide all leaders and the rest of the Army are loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, and personal courage. Leaders must believe in them, model them in personal actions, and teach others to accept them.

The same is true for the Lord’s Army.  Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage. Seven values that guide all leaders.  Many, as we learned in Never Quit, try to take an able man and make him faithful. Our human instinct is to take what we need. We see a need, we see someone who can fill the need…so we fill it.  Never really considering: If I was in battle, would I want this person in my foxhole covering me while I move amidst the bullets?
 I had a battle buddy when I was in the Army and I knew (we were trained together) that I better learn to trust and lean on her because she would hold my life in her hands.  You throw out all personality conflicts and you don’t care whether you like the person or not.  It comes down to : will she fire when I am fired upon?  Can she accurately aim and squeeze the trigger? If not, am I willing to help her and teach her and will she give me permission to do that?

I don’t need sympathy or empathy or pity or praise.  I need your prayers.  Just pray.  That’s what you can do for me.  AIM AND FIRE! Give me that assured look right in my eyeballs when I see you that says, “Hey! SUCK IT UP AND DRIVE ON SOLDIER!” When you ask me to pray for you, you know good and well that I do it. So, now…I’m calling in the favors.  And do not feel sorry for me. I am blessed more than you know.  Naturally, it looks like my life is pitiful right now (and you don’t even know the half of it), but supernaturally God has worked it where He gets all the glory.  That’s how I know that I am in His will and not mine.  There is no way in Heaven that I could orchestrate what He has mastered. No way…absolutely no way. One day, I will be able to testify to all of His goodness…but He is still working! So more will be revealed. 


6 thoughts on “Curious? Just ask me…

  1. Wow! This brought tears to my eyes. I love you and your courage. We have to keep fighting the good fight it will all be worth it. Thank you for sharing, it is encouraging to see someone fighting without ceasing. I am blessed to know you. I will be praying 🙂


  2. “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,
    “For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
    No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”(Romans 8:35-39). Of course. Luv ya sis


  3. Right on, Pam! I won't embarrass myself by trying to say something worthy. The Word fills in all the gaps….He definitely is revealed over and over and over in your life.
    And yes, you are one of a teensy, tiny handful that we are confident sincerely prays upon request. I will pray for you, too. God hears us.


  4. Thank you Kathryn. We will continue to lift you, the family, and Powerhouse Piura up…and as you continue to humble yourselves at His feet He lifts you up! Your church is growing so! One day…I will see you in Piura 🙂


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