"I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 3:!4

My husband and daughters 🙂

I went on a mission trip to Peru a couple of weeks ago. I left on June 22 from my home in Schulenburg, flew out of Houston on June 23 and landed in Piura, Peru on June 24. That evening, God told me to call home at 10:20 PM. I called home and could not reach my husband. I called my 16 year old daughter and she was spending the night at a friend’s house. This was odd to me because my husband and I had discussed that she wasn’t allowed to spend the night away. I asked her to go home [she was right up the road] and wake her daddy up and tell him I was trying to call him. She went home and called me back as soon as she got there. The words out of her mouth were, “Mom, he’s not here.” I asked, “Where is Cassidy?” [my 7 year old.] She said, “In the bed.” He had left the house and left my 7 year old asleep in the bed…ALONE.

Last June, my husband was released from prison after a 8 month conviction for possession of crack cocaine. He is 47 years old and has been fighting with his addiction for 25 years. Once released from prison last year, I saw him as a tranfigured man. Literally. He physically looked different and felt different to me…it took some getting used to. He was quoting Scripture and had truly been humbled. He submitted himself to leadership and took direction. He was being molded and made into who God had created him to be!!!

Roger being baptized at a Men’s Encounter last summer

He did not come right out into my home. He lived at the Salvation Army and slept on the floor for 2 1/2 months in order to save money to get us in a rent house. See, when he got convicted, we had a house in Katy, Texas and a van and all the comforts. We lost it all. I let it go because I work in ministry and could not afford the rent on that house. I gave all of our stuff away and trusted God. And God did what He does! We were allowed to live at Jordan Ranch [the Christian retreat center where I work] for 10 months while he was away. So when he came out, we were still homeless. But he took his place as the man and worked to make it right. 

Moving in our new house in August 2013
Our new house in Schulenburg Aug 2013

For the past year, my husband has been a man of character and integrity. He has earned trust and we have had grace with him. There were no preemptive or discerning indications that any of this was forthcoming…

Roger joined me and Love Lets Live Pro-Life ministry in Austin in July 2013 to stand for life and pass the new abortion law in Texas.
Roger testifying at one of our many outreaches in the community in Schulenburg.

Roge baptizing Darin at a Men’s Encounter in May 2014
and RJ…

So, once she told me that he was not home, he walked in the door. I was relieved…though I had not really panicked in the first place. I still did not believe that the unction I was getting from the Lord was that my husband was falling back…

He got on the phone and was very defensive asking, “What’s going on here? Are you checking up on me?” No “Hi honey! How was your flight? It’s good to hear from you!” I knew immediately that this was going to happen…

Apparently God had messed with him and he turned around and came home after he saw the two missed calls from me. But even with that conviction he gave in to the flesh the next day. He disappeared and left our children alone. I was in Peru.

This binge took him out. It lasted 7 days. In that time, he lost his job, his integrity, his family, his dignity…and I can’t imagine the shame he feels right now. 

I love my husband.  I have hope for my husband.  I look at all the lives he has touched with his testimony, his patience, and his love and I cannot help but smile. However, trust must be built. So we start again… 

He is in the Salvation Army in Houston, TX until he can have phone privileges to call a rehab [Lazarus Project] through our covenant church, Bethany World Prayer Center in Baton Rouge. 

Why am I telling you this? 

I was on another continent. I was defenseless when the enemy attacked…except for prayer and the faithfulness I had sown in advance. We will reap what we sow. What are you sowing in to…spirit or flesh? World or Kingdom?  I thank God that I was sowing into the Kingdom.  You never know when those prayers will need to be redeemed.  You never know when your character and faithfulness will be a factor in determining whether tough love or tenderness will be the remedy.

See, when all of this went down, my church family [Powerhouse in Katy] stepped in and ensured that my children were taken care of and safe. Not my family or my husband’s family, but The Church. In this way, I received the news but did not miss a beat and carried on with my mission in Peru. I didn’t fret, cry, get angered, or loose my composure. I walked in the Power of the Holy Spirit and not my will or emotions. I did not lose my joy or my dignity. I returned on July 1.

I am accountable and covered by 3 pastors and countless other leaders who hold me to the standard of God’s Word. My husband was accountable as well. This accountability and discipleship does not guarantee that temptation won’t come, that devastation won’t ensue, that tribulation won’t shake the foundation…but what it does is give me a brace…it is the rebar that keeps me from cracking under pressure. I cannot save my husband. I have learned through all of this that I was holding on probably a little too tightly. I was so excited for him and us…and I unintentionally enabled him spiritually. 

There were moments [though fleeting] when I discerned a little something in the Spirit and discounted it as “doubt” or that I was basing it on history. Don’t deny the unction of the Spirit. IF you are confident in who are you in Him, He will speak to you about things unknown, even to the one whom He is speaking about. 

I don’t tell you this because I need a “word” from you or any sort of advice. I welcome your prayers, but please keep your “advice” and opinion.  I have wise counselors. I tell you this testimony to show you how accountability, obedience, and faithfulness regardless of circumstances will protect you with God’s covering. I have no fear, no worry, no anxieties. I have His Perfect Peace enveloping me as this storm is raging. The wind and rains surround me, though I do not waiver. I don’t say this proudly…but I speak confidently by the Power of the Holy Spirit and for His Glory. 

Remain faithful. Remain accountable. Remain obedient. And if you aren’t now, repent and get right. And know that your walk is YOUR WALK…my husband’s choices are no reflection of my integrity so I will not retreat. I press on…

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What you believe doesn’t matter if your behavior contradicts it.  Private choices have public consequences. FAITH requires corresponding ACTION.  
 

Many proclaim to have faith…my question is where does your faith lie?  How do you know the MEASURE of your faith until you come to the end of it? 

Is your faith simply in what you see, have seen, or want to see?  Faith is the substance of things hoped for…where do your hopes lie?  Are they God’s will?  How do you know? 

 If you say you have faith [which begins with hope] but don’t know God’s will, then how will you know if your hopes are His will?  His will is in His Promises…He has declared and decreed our destiny and He has achieved Victory for us, yet  you don’t read His Word, know His attributes, or heed His commands and STILL you say you have faith???? In WHAT?

And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him. ~ Hebrews 11:6

I say many of us simply have confidence in our flesh.  We have injected our will as God’s promises and in turn have set up a high place and exalted our desires over what He desires for us.  We live under a counterfeit Gospel that simply inspires us.  We have no reverence for the Sovereign God who is the Author and Finisher of our faith.

If life crumbled around you, if you lost everything that you hold dear and all you had was YOUR FAITH…what would you find at the end of THAT measure of FAITH?  Would your faith increase, decrease, or would you find that you never really had faith in the first place? I’m telling you right now, that you have no idea.  You can try to answer that question, but until it happens to you…YOU HAVE NO IDEA~

I recently returned from a mission trip to Piura, Peru.  I saw people who have come to the end of faith as they know it and are living on the supernatural, unknown, God faith.  I saw authentic worship, desperate worship, heart pounding, wrecked worship.  I saw pure desire.  I saw pure and genuine love. And I found out that my faith increases when I have come to the end of “I know”…

I encountered God in a new way…unexpectedly.  I landed in that country and simply kept time.  I didn’t miss a beat.  God had me the whole time.  I felt as though I was in another dimension…I saw the world from a different perspective…that we are all not that different and neither are our needs.  It is our DESIRES that are variable.  It is in this that we differ.


I noticed that the world, when seen through my God eye, is His.  I saw family…I felt like I was at home.  Honestly…I could have just as easily been in Schulenburg! 

 

I realized that I don’t need to go to foreign soil to satisfy my passion for missions!  I can be fulfilled [as I have been so far!] right here in my town.  The similarities, through my God eye, were astounding to me! I love this town…I love these people and I desire to see every person in this city reached with the true Gospel and true Love of Jesus Christ.  THAT is my desire.  And my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.  I cannot do it but He can through me.

 Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. ~ Romans 12:3


The greatest gift I have been given is the Holy Ghost.  He is my Comforter.  He is my Advocate. He urges me to continue in FAITH.  I love You, Lord.